Dear mom,
How is everything going? Have you been busy lately? We haven’t seen each other for a long time. You must have gained a lot through experiencing God’s work, am I right? How I wish I could meet you and listen to your experiences. My father always comforts me, saying that you will be back soon. Nevertheless, I miss you very much.
I put the photo which I took of you on the day of my High School Entrance Examination between the pages of a book. Whenever I miss you, I take it out and watch you smiling at me with your hand in a scissor gesture like a child. Mom, looking at your picture, I miss you, miss your cooking, miss your hugs, and miss your chatter. Because of the persecution and arrest by CCP, you had to leave my father and me.
Mom, do you know that the day when I heard the news that the police came to our hometown to arrest you, I knew you had to leave home. Though I couldn’t bear parting with you, I knew it was very dangerous for you to stay at home. Six years ago, the police arrested you and detained you for your belief in God, an event which broke our peaceful life. So many years have passed, yet the police still always come to our house to ask for information about you. It is God’s protection that they didn’t meet up with you all those times. However, who knows what will happen when next time they come for you? If you hadn’t left home, I am not sure whether or not you would have avoided arrest.
Mom, I was unwilling to let you leave, but I was also quite clear that in this atheist nation that regards God as an enemy, you couldn’t go on staying at home. I worry about you very much, but I would rather you stayed elsewhere than be arrested by the police at home. As long as you are safe every day, my dad and I will be satisfied.
Mom, do you know? In the past, Sunday was a pleasant day that I always looked forward to. On Sundays, our family would have a meeting together and sing hymns and praise God. But now, it has become an impossibility because everywhere there are surveillance cameras on the streets and on the stairs, as well as people who monitor us Christians. I dare not sing hymns of praising God loudly anymore, and you are not with us. How I wish we could sit together one day and sing our favorite hymn of God’s words again.
Mom, I’m going to take the final exam soon, but I don’t want to have to memorize political texts at all. When reciting the socialist core values “strong country, democracy, civilization, harmony, freedom, equality, justice, and law,” I feel very sad, because these words are a hollow promise for many people. For us Christians, they are nothing but empty talk. The CCP government never treats us according to democracy, freedom, justice or law. In China, we Christians not only do not have human rights or religious freedom, but suffer arrest and persecution by the CCP. We have no way to survive in China. So I feel awfully sick whenever I see these words.
I saw God’s words saying, “Forefathers of the ancient? Beloved leaders? They all oppose God! Their meddling has left all beneath heaven in a state of darkness and chaos! Religious freedom? The legitimate rights and interests of citizens? They are all tricks for covering up sin! Who has embraced the work of God? Who has laid down their life or shed blood for the work of God? For generation after generation, from parents to children, enslaved man has unceremoniously enslaved God—how could this not incite fury? Thousands of years of hate are concentrated in the heart, millennia of sinfulness are inscribed upon the heart—how could this not inspire loathing? Avenge God, completely snuff out His enemy, do not allow it to run rampant any longer, and do not permit it to kick up as much trouble as it wishes anymore! Now is the time: Man has long since gathered all his strength, he has devoted all his efforts and paid every price for this, to tear off the hideous face of this demon and allow people, who have been blinded, and who have endured every manner of suffering and hardship, to rise up from their pain and turn their backs on this evil old devil. Why put up such an impenetrable obstacle to the work of God? Why employ various tricks to deceive God’s folk? Where is the true freedom and the legitimate rights and interests? Where is the fairness? Where is the comfort? Where is the warmth? Why use deceitful schemes to trick God’s people? Why use force to suppress the coming of God? Why not allow God to freely roam upon the earth that He created? Why hound God until He has nowhere to rest His head?” God’s words tell me that the so-called “religious freedom” and “the legitimate rights and interests of citizens” are all the tricks of the CCP to deceive and confuse people. The CCP is essentially the devil that resists God and is hostile to God. The CCP resists and condemns the returned Lord Jesus even more crazily, and doesn’t spare manpower, material, or money to carry out its different ruses and means to hinder God’s work and arrest and persecute Christians, even the old ones like my grandmother. I really want to cry out, “What’s wrong with our believing in God? Why were my grandmother and mom arrested for their belief? Why were they forced to leave home?” However, I know that in China I have no right to come out in defense of you and grandmother. The CCP’s rumors and fallacies have spread over the whole country and have confused many people who don’t know the truth. If it were not for my personal experience, I would never have known that my motherland, that I once deeply respected, actually persecutes us believers so cruelly and is a country full of lies and violence. It has cruelly broken apart our family, and leaves us not knowing when we can meet each other again.
Mom, honestly speaking, when I miss you, I feel a little weak. But my faith grows each time I think of this passage of God’s words that you read to me, “Do not be discouraged, do not be weak, and I will make things clear for you. The road to the kingdom is not so smooth; nothing is that simple! You want blessings to come to you easily, do you not? Today, everyone will have bitter trials to face. Without such trials, the loving heart you have for Me will not grow stronger and you will not have true love for Me. Even if these trials consist merely of minor circumstances, everyone must pass through them; it’s just that the difficulty of the trials will vary from one person to another. Trials are a blessing from Me, and how many of you come often before Me and beg on your knees for My blessings? Silly children! You always think that a few auspicious words count as My blessing, yet you do not recognize that bitterness is one of My blessings. Those who share in My bitterness will certainly share in My sweetness. That is My promise and My blessing to you.” Yes! Though we suffer the pain of separation, I am not afraid because God is our rock and staunch support. Besides, through reading God’s words and having meetings, I also understand the intention of God in our circumstances: Only by experiencing such harsh circumstances, can we see through the CCP government’s ugliness and forsake and betray it in our hearts; otherwise, I would have continued to sing its praises. Through experiencing all this, I also have gained some knowledge of God’s authority. It is because of God’s protection that you could escape being arrested safely when the police came to our home time after time. Now, though you have left home, at least our hearts are linked and we are all safe, and we can regularly have meetings, read God’s words and perform our duties. Mom, I am no longer weak, so you don’t need to worry about me. I have grown up, become independent, and learnt to pray to God and rely on Him!
Mom, you might be surprised to know that now I can help my dad do some chores, including buying vegetables, cooking meals, and doing some cleaning. Sometimes my inability to do some things makes me upset. For example, sometimes when cooking meals, the oil scalds my arm and I complain and don’t want to cook anymore However, I have been relying on God to learn to cook little by little, and now Dad praises my cooking. In life, when I encounter difficulties, I speak to God, and the brothers and sisters also help me and we get along well with each other. These are all the effects God’s words have achieved on me. Now you are not at my side, but I can see God’s guidance in everything. With God’s company and leadership, I’m safe and sound, which makes me feel God’s true love. Just as God’s words say, “All that God does for every individual is beyond doubt; He leads everyone by the hand, looks after you with every passing moment and has never once left your side.”
Mom, I really want to share my experiences with you face to face, but now the CCP is cracking down on us Christians more fiercely than ever, so we can’t meet. And I also know you have more important work to do, for God’s words say, “Are you aware of the burden on your shoulders, your commission, and your responsibility? Where is your sense of historic mission? How will you adequately serve as a master in the next age? Do you have a strong sense of masterhood? How would you explain the master of all things? Is it really the master of all living creatures and of all physical things in the world? What plans do you have for the progress of the next phase of the work? How many people are waiting for you to be their shepherd? Is your task a heavy one? They are poor, pitiable, blind, and at a loss, wailing in the darkness—where is the way? How they yearn for the light, like a shooting star, to suddenly descend and dispel the forces of darkness that have oppressed man for so many years. Who can know the full extent to which they anxiously hope, and how they pine, day and night, for this? Even on a day when the light flashes past, these deeply suffering people remain imprisoned in a dark dungeon without hope of release; when will they weep no longer? Terrible is the misfortune of these fragile spirits who have never been granted rest, and long have they been kept bound in this state by merciless bonds and frozen history. And who has heard the sound of their wailing? Who has looked upon their miserable state? Has it ever occurred to you how grieved and anxious God’s heart is? How can He bear to see innocent mankind, whom He created with His own hands, suffering such torment? Human beings, after all, are the victims who have been poisoned. And although man has survived to this day, who would have known that mankind has long been poisoned by the evil one? Have you forgotten that you are one of the victims? Are you not willing to strive, out of your love for God, to save these survivors? Are you not willing to devote all of your energy to repaying God, who loves mankind like His own flesh and blood? When all is said and done, how would you interpret being used by God to live your extraordinary life? Do you really have the resolve and confidence to live the meaningful life of a pious, God-serving person?” That’s right. At present, it is God uplifting us so that we could have the good fortune to come before God, firmly believe that He is the true way and gain the provision of His words. But lots of people, who truly believe in God still haven’t come before Him, and God is still worrying about them. Mom, though I can’t spread the gospel and bear witness for God out in society like you, my dad and I can perform our duties in the local church. This is the grace of God.
Mom, I have to end it here. Take care of yourself! And depend more on God!
Your loving daughter,
Xiaoyan