I Complained in My Heart When My Mother Suddenly Got Cancer

In June 2016, my mother called me, saying that there was a hard lump in her neck; she felt her neck was tightly strapped by something and she could hardly breathe. Undoubtedly, this worsened her plight, for she was suffering from asthma.

Then, my brother and his wife took our mother to have an examination in the municipal hospital. When the result came out, the doctor said to my brother, “Your mother has terminal lung cancer. The cancer cells have spread. The lump in her neck is just a tumor. At present, we can only help her illness go into remission by giving her chemo. She only has three or four months left.” That night, my brother called all of our sisters to his home, and told us our mother’s illness. The news came as a bombshell to us. We all felt sorrow and distress. My brother-in-law tried to comfort us, “Though the medical science is highly advanced now, the doctor still said mom was in the last stage of cancer and that it would never be cured. So it’s no use crying. We cannot do anything but help mom’s illness go into remission, and we can show our filial obedience to her, cooking whatever she likes, and trying our best to do whatever she needs.” My brother also said, “Right, since the cancer cells have spread, it’s no use having an operation. Don’t tell mother her true condition, lest she become anxious. We shall do as our brother-in-law said.” Hearing their conversation, I was grief-stricken. I thought to myself: The doctor has said her condition very clearly, and so my mom won’t be in this world much longer. … Once one gets cancer, he is sentenced to death. Then I wouldn’t be able to have heart-to-hearts talks with my mother, and wouldn’t hear her concerns…. The previous great care and concern of my mother recurring to me, I couldn’t help shedding tears. Just then, a thought suddenly came to my mind: Don’t my mother and I believe in God? Especially my mother insisted on her belief in God while enduring the persecution from my brother and sisters. Such great faith does she has, why did she get cancer? When I thought of these, I didn’t understand God’s will, and so I became a little negative.

God’s Words Corrected My Wrong View of Belief in God

When I arrived home at night, my husband began to attack me, “Don’t you believe in God? Why did mother get cancer?” I had been in a negative way, and his words made me even weaker in spirit that I didn’t want to read God’s words and had little enthusiasm for prayer. I had made an appointment with sisters to have a meeting the next day, but then I didn’t want to go. In agony, I came before God to pray, “God! As the cancer befell my mother, I misunderstood You in my heart, thinking that my mother truly believes in You, so she shouldn’t have gotten cancer. But I know there must be Your earnest intentions behind it. God! May You enlighten me, allowing me to understand Your will. May You protect me from living in negativity and complaints.”

After the prayer, my heart calmed down a lot. I saw God’s words say, “Most people believe in God for the sake of peace and other benefits. Unless it is to your benefit, you do not believe in God, and if you cannot receive God’s graces, you fall into a sulk. How could what you have said be your true stature? When it comes to inevitable family incidents such as children falling ill, loved ones being hospitalized, poor crop yields, and persecution by family members, even these oft-occurring, quotidian matters are too much for you. When such things happen, you are thrown into a panic, you do not know what to do—and most of the time, you complain about God. You complain that God’s words tricked you, that God’s work made a mockery of you. Do you not have such thoughts? Do you think such things happen among you only rarely? You spend every day living amid such events. You do not give the slightest thought to the success of your faith in God, and how to meet God’s will. Your true stature is too small, even smaller than a little chick’s. When your family’s business loses money you complain about God, when you find yourself in an environment without God’s protection you still complain about God, and you complain even when one of your chicks dies or an old cow in the pen falls ill. You complain when it is time for your son to get married but your family does not have enough money; you want to perform the duty of hosting, but cannot afford it, and then you also complain. You are overflowing with complaints, and you sometimes do not attend gatherings or eat and drink the words of God because of this, sometimes becoming negative for a great length of time.”

After reading God’s words, I felt ashamed and guilty. God revealed my wrong views on the belief in God: I just desired to demand blessings and grace from God and ask God to keep my family safe and healthy. Driven by the desire, I couldn’t understand why my mother got cancer. When I heard the news, I thought that since my mother believed in God, God should protect her so that she could be free from illness and disaster. However, things didn’t actually turn out how I wanted: my mother got cancer. Therefore, I misunderstood and complained about God, and was unwilling to read God’s words or go to meetings. All my manifestations were exactly the same as what God’s words revealed. My belief in God was merely for the sake of blessings, not for loving God, satisfying God, or repaying God’s love. Just then, I suddenly thought of Job. During his trails, when his possessions and children were taken away, and his whole body became covered in boils, he didn’t complain about God, but instead praised God. His faith in God was true, and so God called him righteous. By comparison, I knew that I was not a true believer, because I had too many requirements of God, and lacked conscience and rationality. Having realized this, I prayed to God to repent: “God! I am willing to turn around my wrong views of belief in You, and to imitate Job to be a true believer through walking the way of fearing You and shunning evil. No matter what You do, I would like to worship You and not to complain about or misunderstand You.”

Afterward, I thought of God’s words, “Jehovah God not only holds the status of God who created light, and air, and all things and living beings, of the God who holds sovereignty over all things and living beings, but also of the God who commands mankind, and commands Hades, the God who controls the life and death of all living things.” God rules over man’s fate, and controls the life and death of each person. Whether my mother will die of cancer is up to God and predestination. I’d like to put aside my misunderstanding of God, and not be negative and weak or complain about Him any longer, and entrust my mother to His hands. Whether my mother’s illness will get better or not, I am willing to obey God’s sovereignty and arrangement. Having known this, I’d like to go to the meeting with sisters.

I Fellowshiped With My Mother: We Should Submit to God’s Sovereignty and Arrangement

The next day, I went to my mother’s home and read God’s words for her, “Almighty God, the Head of all things, wields His kingly power from His throne. He rules over the universe and all things, and He is in the act of guiding us on the whole earth. We shall at every moment be close to Him, and come before Him in quietness, never missing a single moment, and with lessons for us to learn at all times. Everything, from the surrounding environment to people, affairs, and things, all exist by permission of His throne. Do not on any account let grievances arise in your heart, or God will not bestow His grace upon you. When sickness befalls, this is God’s love, and surely His kind intentions are harbored within. Though your body may undergo a bit of suffering, entertain no ideas from Satan. Praise God in the midst of illness and enjoy God in the midst of your praise. Do not lose heart in the face of illness, keep seeking again and again and do not give up, and God will illuminate you with His light. How was Job’s faith? Almighty God is an all-powerful physician! To dwell in sickness is to be sick, but to dwell in the spirit is to be well. So long as you still have one breath, God will not let you die.

“We have within us the resurrected life of Christ. Undeniably, we lack faith in the presence of God: Would that God would put true faith within us. Sweet indeed is the word of God! God’s word is potent medicine! It puts to shame the devils and Satan! Grasping God’s word gives us support. His word acts fast to save our hearts! It dispels all things and sets all at peace.”

Then, I fellowshiped with my mother, “Mom, our life and death are in God’s hand. There must be His good intentions behind your illness. We should imitate Job’s faith in God, simply accept and obey this environment, and never complain, and I believe God will protect us. When I heard that you got sick, I didn’t understand why God didn’t protect us since we believe in Him. Then I lived in negativity and weakness, and complained about God. Later on, through reading God’s words, I realized that I believe in God only for grace and blessings, which is wrong and not true faith in God. Especially after I read the testimony of Job, that when he encountered the big trials, he didn’t complain about God, but instead praised God’s name, so I felt ashamed in my heart, finding that I have no humanity, and I’m unworthy of being called a believer in God. After realizing these, I’m willing to turn around my wrong view of belief in God and submit to God’s orchestrations and arrangements. Mom, you shouldn’t live in the illness and lose your faith in God, lest you fall into Satan’s cunning scheme.” Just as I finished speaking, my mother joyfully said, “After listening to your fellowship, I don’t feel worried about my illness. Whether I live or die is all in God’s hands. Even if I die now, I feel satisfied. Although I haven’t believed in God for very long, I’ve gained too much from Him. Through reading God’s words I feel peace and joy in my heart. I’ve known a lot of mysteries, which resolved many of my confusions about life. God selected me and is so gracious to me, so I must stand witness for Him, not complaining about or misunderstanding Him.” After I heard such words, my heart was very calm and released, and the previous worries and pressure disappeared. I knew it was God’s words that were leading us, and that the results were all achieved by God’s work. I really thanked God!

I Saw God’s Miraculous Protection for My Mother in Chemotherapy Treatment

Then, my mother had chemotherapy in the hospital. With her first course of chemo over, she began to lose hair. At that time, I thought of the doctor’s words: “The chemo has a big side-effect. After the first course, the patient will lose hair, and gradually become bald.” My mother still doesn’t know she is undergoing chemo for cancer. When all her hair falls out, she will know everything. Then can she bear this blow? If she couldn’t accept the fact, she may lose faith, and have bad moods, which will worsen her illness. Then what should I do? Living in worry and with depression, I had no choice but to bring this difficulty before God to pray, “God, I have seen that under Your guidance, my mother is quite faithful, although I am still afraid that once she knows that she has an incurable disease, she may not bear it, becoming negative and weak. O God! I know everything is under Your sovereignty. I am willing to entrust this matter to You. I believe Your arrangement is best. No matter what the result is, I am willing to obey Your arrangement.” After the prayer, my heart calmed down a lot.

Afterward, I saw God’s words say, “What does this word, ‘faith,’ refer to? Faith is the genuine belief and the sincere heart that humans should possess when they cannot see or touch something, when God’s work does not align with human notions, when it is beyond human reach. This is the faith that I speak of.” That’s right! How can I have such little faith? Last time, didn’t I see God’s authority and might when I worried about my mother? Now, why do I have no faith again? If I have no real cooperation, how can I experience God’s work and see His authority? God’s words gave me confidence to cooperate with Him. Whether my mother would know about her sickness was in God’s hands. I could only look upon and rely on God, and submit to His guidance to march forward.

Then it was time to have the second course of chemo. At that time, I was still a little worried, but I knew I should trust and rely on God in the midst of practical difficulties, and experience His work by His words. During that period, my mother and I seized every available opportunity to read God’s words, listen to sermons, and learn to sing hymns to worship God at home. Moved by God’s words, we both felt closer to God and had a truer and more real faith in God. My mother always said to me in a moving voice, “We started believing in God too late. In the past, I didn’t know about God’s existence and lived without any hope. I even wanted to die when encountering some great setbacks and difficulties. If it had not been for worrying about you guys, I would have died many times. If I had had this sickness then, I might have already committed suicide. Now, led by God’s words to live before Him, I feel so happy. With confidence and strength given by God, it’s not difficult to overcome the suffering of the disease. If only I could live for a long time, even if I am used in service!” After six months, I saw God’s wondrous care and protection: Other people’s hair fell out totally after the first course of chemo, while after three courses, my mother’s hair not only didn’t fall out, but grew out evenly. At this time, I truly experienced the authority and power of God’s word, and saw God’s faithfulness. As long as we truly look upon and rely on Him, He will open up a way out for us and solve our difficulties.

I Saw God’s Protection for My Mother Under Diathermy Treatment

But who would have thought that one wave would have passed before another one came! The lump in my mother’s neck had already disappeared after her third round of chemo, but not long after, the lump appeared again. This time, the doctor advised my mother diathermy treatment, a course of which took one month, and my mother accepted it. About half a month passed when my mother noticed that her throat was beginning to hurt and that she couldn’t swallow a slightly thick rice porridge. Nevertheless, she neither misunderstood nor complained about God. One time, I accompanied her to diathermy treatment. There we came across a cancer patient who had nearly lost his voice due to the diathermy treatment on his neck. I heard him say to his wife in a croaky voice, “The treatment afflicts me very much. I have such a sore throat that I can’t eat anything now. It is better to die than to suffer such great pain. It will be the last time I do this.” After he finished his words, I saw another patient who still didn’t want to have diathermy treatment even though his daughter begged him continually. Finally, having no way, his daughter asked a nurse for help. However, he persisted in wanting to leave the hospital. Seeing the patients very miserable, I couldn’t help but be concerned about my mother. So I asked her, “Mom, do you have a bad sore throat like that?” My mother said, “My throat also aches, but is not so bad. I bring the sickness before God and entrust it to Him in my prayers every day, and ask Him to lead me to live by His words. Just like God says, ‘To dwell in sickness is to be sick, but to dwell in the spirit is to be well.’ With the guidance of God’s words, I pay no attention to the disease, and I am not constrained by it, so I don’t feel much pain.” Hearing her words, I couldn’t help but thank God. I truly saw that as long as we truly relied on and looked upon God, we could experience the true meaning of His words, “You must have faith that everything is in God’s hands, and that humans are merely cooperating with Him. If your heart is sincere, God will see it, and He will open up all paths for you, making difficulties no longer difficult. This is the faith you must have.” Willing to submit to God’s sovereignty and arrangement, my mother went to every diathermy treatment for a whole month. The part of her neck being heated seemed to be burned, and the skin there fell down piece by piece, but she never said that her throat hurt severely, which allowed me to truly see God’s authority and wondrous deeds. After the diathermy treatment, the doctor asked my mother to have chemo, but she insisted on not doing it, no matter how my brother tried to persuade her. Through constantly reading God’s words and praying to God during the refinement of illness over these few months, she had more and more faith in God, and her knowledge of God increased accordingly. She knew that her life and death were all in God’s hand. She was also willing to entrust her disease to God’s hand, and be at the mercy of God.

The Cancer Healed, We Gave Thanks for God’s Grace

What was wonderful was that one and a half years ago, my mother was declared to only live for a further three or four months, while now she is still in good health. I deeply experience the authority and power of God’s word. God’s word says, “So long as you still have one breath, God will not let you die.” “Obviously, it is not humanity that holds the power of life and death, not some being in the natural world, but the Creator, whose authority is unique. Mankind’s life and death are not the product of some law of the natural world, but a consequence of the sovereignty of the Creator’s authority.” My mother had cancer, and the doctor declared the time of her death, but when we prayed to God and constantly relied on God in illness, we had practically experienced His work, seen His marvelous deeds, and gained some knowledge of His authority through the environment set by Him. Now we have more faith in God, and have experienced that His unique, supreme authority, is exceeded by no force. God indeed controls man’s life and death.

At that time, we didn’t tell my mother her real condition. Afterward however, my mother told me that she had knew it when she saw those cancer patients, and the neighbors always said to her that she could only live for several months. Although she had weaknesses, under the guidance of God’s words, she wasn’t bound by death and her neighbors’ words. Instead, she struggled with cancer resiliently. Besides, my mother had asthma before and she liked smoking; although we siblings all advised her not to smoke, she said, “I’ve smoked for so many years, I cannot stop now.” But after experiencing this disease, she quit it, and her asthma is a lot better, which moves me most. In addition, my sisters and brother all opposed our belief in God before, while they support us now after seeing God’s wondrous protection from the cure of my mother’s cancer. Our relatives and neighbors all said, “It is a miracle that you’re healed! It is true God that you believe in!”

On the surface, it seemed like a bad thing, but actually it was a good thing. Through it I truly saw God’s deeds, and gained some practical experience of the power and authority of God’s words. Had it not been for the guidance of God’s words, how could my mother and I have felt released in the face of death and had such a way in desperation? These are outcomes we were led to reach by God’s words. I even more saw that, had it been not for God setting this environment to reveal my intentions of gaining blessings and bargaining with God, I wouldn’t have realized my wrong view of belief in God, and would have been believing in God amid vagueness all the time. If so, I couldn’t truly know God in the very end. Thank God for changing and purifying me through the real environments, motivating me to pursue to become a person who truly obeys God and lives in God’s light. All the glory be to God! Amen!