I, who have believed in God for many years, had always thought that believing in God was following and often praying to Him for protection from disasters, receiving grace, and preaching the gospel and bearing witness to Him—I thought this was truly believing in God. However, I found recently that whenever encountering difficulties and adversities, I would have no faith in God, and even be full of misunderstanding and blame toward Him within. For instance, when I was ill and God didn’t remove my illness even though I prayed, my faith in Him would become weaker, until in the end I was even unwilling to pray at all; when encountering various hardships and frustrations in life, I often complained about God in my heart and thought that He should keep my family peaceful and not allow these unpleasant things to come upon me since I went to meetings regularly, prayed and read the Bible every day. And so, time after time, I was full of misunderstandings and complaints toward God. Not until then did I begin to examine myself: Am I a true Christian? Acting in this way, am I believing in God?
Thinking back, when God led the Israelites out of Egypt, He performed many miraculous signs and wonders. For example, He divided the Red Sea to deliver them from the plight. When the common people saw this wonderful deed of God, they all cheered and jumped, and praised Him. At that time, their belief and praise of God seemed to be very sincere. However, when they wandered in the wilderness and had nothing to eat, it seemed as if they had suffered memory loss, completely forgetting God’s grace of delivering them out of the Egyptian slavery, and complaining to God for leading them out of Egypt where they could have meat, and for making them suffer hardships in the wilderness. Their complaints were constantly echoing during the forty years they were in the wilderness. In the past, whenever I saw in the Bible how the Israelites rebelled against God, I was angry in my heart and thought: “They had experienced so many wonderful deeds of God, but why did they still have no faith in Him when they were faced with a small matter? Why did they praise God when receiving grace and blessings from Him but complain about Him when encountering a little difficulty?” At this moment I saw how I also often complained to God in my heart because of unpleasant things, and then realised: Having true faith in God is not as simple as I have imagined. If we do not have real faith, each of us will make complaints just like the Israelites did. But, why do we complain about God whenever we encounter unpleasant things? Confused, I began to search high and low for the solutions to this question.
Until one day, I saw the following two passages of words in a book,“There are still those today who believe in God according to letters and in hollow doctrine. They do not know that they lack the essence of belief in God, and they cannot receive God’s approval. Still they pray to God for blessings of safety and sufficient grace. Let us stop, quiet our hearts, and ask ourselves: Can it be that believing in God really is the easiest thing on earth? Can it be that believing in God means nothing more than receiving much grace from God? Are people who believe in God without knowing Him or who believe in God and yet oppose Him really able to satisfy the will of God?” “My deeds are greater in number than the grains of sand on the beaches, and My wisdom surpasses all the sons of Solomon, yet people merely think of Me as a physician of little account and an unknown teacher of man. So many believe in Me only that I might heal them. So many believe in Me only that I might use My powers to drive unclean spirits out from their bodies, and so many believe in Me simply that they might receive peace and joy from Me. So many believe in Me only to demand from Me greater material wealth. So many believe in Me just to spend this life in peace and to be safe and sound in the world to come. So many believe in Me to avoid the suffering of hell and to receive the blessings of heaven. So many believe in Me only for temporary comfort, yet do not seek to gain anything in the world to come. When I brought down My fury upon man and seized all the joy and peace he once possessed, man became doubtful. When I gave unto man the suffering of hell and reclaimed the blessings of heaven, man’s shame turned into anger. When man asked Me to heal him, I paid him no heed and felt abhorrence toward him; man departed from Me to instead seek the way of evil medicine and sorcery. When I took away all that man had demanded from Me, everyone disappeared without a trace. Thus, I say that man has faith in Me because I give too much grace, and there is far too much to gain” (“What Do You Know of Faith?”).
These two passages really contain authority and power. They pinpointed my wrong intentions and perspectives in my faith in God. It turned out that my belief in God was only to ask for grace and gain His blessings and protection, and I never worshiped and knew God. Thus, whenever the blessings of God came upon me, I would thank and praise Him; but as soon as I was faced with difficulties and calamities, complaints about Him began to form in my heart. Was I not making deals with God in my belief in Him? God is the Creator, but I merely treated Him as the object of whom I could make demands. Wasn’t I using Him? I had thought: I attend the meetings, pray to God in all things, and often preach the gospel to testify to God, this means that I have true faith in God and can thereby obtain His approval. Never had I thought that there were so many impurities and wrong intentions in my belief. How could it be considered as true faith? And how could I receive God’s approval? God examines people’s hearts. Through these words, my corruptions and impurities in my belief were revealed so thoroughly, and I came to know the reason that I misunderstood and blamed God when I was in a difficult situation was because of my lack of true faith in Him.
Realizing the problem that existed in me, I started seeking the correct view of pursuit in believing in God. I saw a passage of words in the book, “Belief in God is so that you may obey God, love God, and perform the duty that should be performed by a creature of God. This is the aim of believing in God. You must achieve a knowledge of the loveliness of God, of how worthy God is of reverence, of how, in His creatures, God does the work of salvation and making them perfect—these are the bare essentials of your belief in God. Belief in God is principally the switch from a life of the flesh to a life of loving God; from living within corruption to living within the life of God’s words; it is coming out from under the domain of Satan and living under the care and protection of God; it is being able to achieve obedience to God and not obedience to the flesh; it is allowing God to gain your entire heart, allowing God to make you perfect, and freeing yourself from the corrupt satanic disposition. Belief in God is principally so that the power and glory of God may be manifested in you, so that you may do God’s will, and accomplish God’s plan, and be able to bear testimony to God before Satan” (“All Is Achieved by the Word of God”). Only then did I know that faith in God should not be a pursuit of blessings of the flesh. Rather, I should pursue to know God, obey Him, love Him, fulfill the duty of a created being, and bear witness to God. And this is the pursuit that I most needed to have in my belief in God.
Think back to the good testimonies that the saints throughout the ages bore for God. Abraham, blessed by God, was given a son when he was at the age of 100. However, when his son was in his teens, God asked Abraham to offer him as a burnt offering. Abraham neither complained about nor reasoned with God, but was sincerely willing to give his only beloved son back to Him. Because of his total obedience, God blessed his descendants to be a great nation. For another example, because of Satan’s temptation, Job lost a mountain of sheep and oxen and all his children, and furthermore, his whole body became covered in sore boils, causing him excruciating pain in both flesh and bones. After this, he was faced with the judgments and attacks of his wife and three friends. Throughout these trials Job never complained in the slightest and he still praised God, saying, “Jehovah gave, and Jehovah has taken away; blessed be the name of Jehovah” (Job 1:21). Due to his faith in God, he received God’s great blessings. There was also Peter. He only focused on pursuing the truth and knowing God. Because he had a heart of longing for and seeking the truth, gradually, he developed a real understanding of God and a heart of admiration for Him. In the end, he could be crucified upside down for His sake and bore a beautiful and resounding testimony. What Peter pursued was being after God’s heart, and in believing in God, he only sought to know, love, and satisfy Him, rather than just seek anything for himself. Therefore, the Lord Jesus said, “And I say also to you, That you are Peter, and on this rock I will build my church; and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it. And I will give to you the keys of the kingdom of heaven: and whatever you shall bind on earth shall be bound in heaven: and whatever you shall loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven” (Matthew 16:18-19).
The testimony of the former saints praised by God makes me realize that truly believing in God is seeking to know and obey God, acting in accordance with His requirements, and thus becoming a person who genuinely loves Him. Also, it turns around my previous imagination and the perspective of my belief in God—keeping God’s name and seeking bread to satisfy hunger. In addition, it shows me the way to practice in my future pursuit: We should seek to have true faith in God like Abraham, Peter, and Job, to love God and carry out His will, and to be compatible with Him. And only this is what a believer in God should seek.