I stood at the exit of the railway station and looked around anxiously, waiting for my primary school classmate, Yin Luming, whom I had not seen for many years. After a short while, I saw that he walked toward the exit, carrying his suitcase. So I called him in a loud voice, “Luming!” He saw me and waved to me with a smile. Then I walked toward him enthusiastically, took the suitcase from his hand and asked excitedly, “How long will you stay this time?” Luming thought for a while and said, “It’s hard to say. It all depends on my father’s health.” I said smilingly, “Thank the Lord! We both are busy at most times, and it’s not easy for us to get together. This time, we can take the chance to have a meeting and study the Bible freely together. In these years, I often miss the time when we studied the Bible and discussed with each other!” Luming sighed with emotion, “How time flies! I feel as if all this just happened yesterday.” At that time, my cellphone rang and I answered the call. After that, I could not help but frown. Yin Luming asked concernedly, “Is there something on your mind?” I said with depression, “Brother Gao won’t go to preach again. As a co-worker in the church, how could he not go to church only because he has nothing to preach? He asked me to take his stead again.” I sighed reluctantly, “Luming, sorry, I can’t send you home today. Anyway, the life of brothers and sisters should not be delayed. There should be someone managing the church’s affairs. I have to go to the church now.” Then, Luming and I said goodbye to each other.

One evening two days later, I returned home from the church, and the moment I stepped into the yard, my wife began to complain and chatter, “You only have the church in your heart. Are you living with the church? Is our family in your heart or not? …” I had been vexed at many matters in the church. On hearing her nagging, I couldn’t help becoming more annoyed, thinking, “There are many things going wrong in the church recently, and I’m annoyed enough. Yet you don’t understand me.” I held back and didn’t say anything, but the anger in my heart kept flooding. When walking toward the house, I saw a bottle by my feet, and then I went to kick it to pieces. Seeing that, my wife became much angrier and said, “You even lost your temper? Kick, kick again, kick all these things to pieces!” I realized that I committed sins again. I said nothing any more when I thought of what is recorded in the Bible, “Be you angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down on your wrath: Neither give place to the devil” (Ephesians 4:26-27).

After the dinner, I sat alone on the sofa staring blankly. Then, Yin Luming came in. He smiled at me and said, “Thank the Lord! You must be busy with the church’s affairs in the daytime and so I come to see you when you’re at home in the evening.” Seeing the depression all over my face, he asked me with concern, “Chi Zhong, what’s the matter? Is it related to the church affairs?” I shook my head and sighed, “Oh, it’s a long story. During these years, I’ve suffered much and never stopped running about, but the problems in our church are still unsolved. Bad things just keep happening one after another: The brother of a host home broke his leg while doing business; the motorcycle caught fire while a brother was repairing it; several sisters are persecuted by their husbands and dare not attend meetings…. Brothers and sisters are all passive and weak, and I don’t know how to solve these problems. Even I myself seldom can keep the Lord’s way, and I’m sometimes defeated by transgressions in spite of myself. I feel that I stray too far from the Lord and the road of believing in the Lord gets tougher and tougher. So I don’t know how to walk on in the slightest….”

Yin Luming smiled and said, “Chi Zhong, I’d like to ask you a question first. Is it determined under God’s sovereignty whether one is blessed or cursed in believing in God?” I replied with no hesitation, “Of course! The Lord Jesus said, ‘All power is given to me in heaven and in earth’ (Matthew 28:18). The Lord Jesus is the Ruler of the heavens and earth and all things.” Luming asked, “Did it come from God that Job lost the flocks and herds all over the hills and his untold wealth?” I said, “It certainly came from God. Because only God alone can design all these things.” Yin Luming continued, “Therefore, no matter what we encounter on the path of believing in the Lord and no matter whether we are blessed or cursed, we should firstly know that all these come from God and it is God who rules over and arranges all things. As created beings, we should obey God’s authority and sovereignty, know all things are in God’s hands, make no complaints or requirements, have no misunderstandings and just obey everything that comes from God as Job did.” I said, “I agree with you. As believers of the Lord, we should submit to God’s orchestrations and arrangements. But there is one point I don’t understand. It says in the Bible, ‘Be careful for nothing; but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which passes all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus’ (Philippians 4:6-7). That is, as long as we believe in the Lord, He will endow unexpected peace and joy upon us. Then, why are there still lots of unpeaceful things befalling in our church?”

Yin Luming said, “God is the Lord of creation and God of wisdom. Everything He does is meaningful. Take Abraham for example. God required Abraham to offer his son, who was born at his 100 years old, as a burnt offering. In man’s eyes, this event seems unreasonable and even inconceivable. But when Abraham obeyed God’s words absolutely and lifted the knife to kill his son, God saw his true heart and obedience and then He stopped Abraham’s action. After Abraham stood the testimony for God, God formally chose him and his descendants as the first group of God’s chosen people in His management plan. Thus we can see although God’s doings are seemingly discordant with man’s notions and very incomprehensible to man, all these are very meaningful in God’s eyes: Firstly, it is a trial and test, in which God’s heart will appear to man if they stand the testimony; secondly, man has to experience God’s work in real life, bring the word of God into their everyday life and try to know God’s emotions of pleasure, anger, sorrow, and happiness in such experiences.” Hearing this, I nodded, and said while adding some water for Luming, “I can understand and accept what you say, but just now, you mentioned ‘experience God’s work in real life’ and ‘try to know God’s emotions of pleasure, anger, sorrow and happiness.’ What does it mean?”

Yin Luming said, “I experienced such a thing last year. Our church was in the same situation as yours, and I also felt so weak in spirit. I was always wondering: Where is my previous enthusiasm and driving force of serving God? How come they disappeared completely? With confusion, I came before God to seek and pray, ‘O Lord, I’m very weak now. How can I become strong? Have I done anything against Your will? If I did anything wrong, I’m willing to wait for Your enlightenment and illumination and act according to Your will.’ After several seeking prayers like this, one day, I opened a book and read some words, ‘Man’s relationship with God is merely one of naked self-interest. It is a relationship between a receiver and a giver of blessings. To put it plainly, it is akin to the relationship between employee and employer. The employee works only to receive the rewards bestowed by the employer. There is no affection in such a relationship, only transaction. There is no loving or being loved, only charity and mercy. There is no understanding, only suppressed indignation and deception. There is no intimacy, only an uncrossable chasm. Now that things have gotten to this point, who can reverse such a course? And how many people are capable of truly understanding how dire this relationship has become? I believe that when people immerse themselves in the joy of being blessed, none can imagine how embarrassing and unsightly such a relationship with God is’ (The Word Appears in the Flesh). After reading the words, I felt as if my heart was pierced by a pin. Looking back to my life after believing in God, I realized that I had a hidden expectation within. I expected that I could receive God’s blessings and enjoy peace and joy, and I could not only receive a hundredfold now in this time but also enter the kingdom of heaven and be rewarded at the return of the Lord. Because of this expectation, I was striving with all my might to do work and pay the price, and I thought the more I labored, the more I was qualified to gain the Lord’s approval. When I saw our church was desolate and my works yielded nothing, I felt there was no hope of getting blessings. For this reason, the support in my heart broke down and I became so passive and weak that I couldn’t get up. Wasn’t my relationship with God one of naked self-interest? My passiveness and weakness resulted from the wrong goal I pursued and the wrong path I walked, didn’t they?” After listening to Yin Luming’s experience, I seemed to find a glint of light in the darkness. I thought: Oh, so that’s how it is! And then I asked him earnestly, “Luming, what you said are all the facts. Then, how did you solve this problem? How did you come out of that condition?”

Yin Luming said calmly and unhurriedly, “I saw it is recorded in John 21:15-17 in the Bible, ‘Jesus said to Simon Peter, Simon, son of Jonas, love you me more than these? He said to him, Yes, Lord; you know that I love you. He said to him, Feed my lambs. He said to him again the second time, Simon, son of Jonas, love you me? He said to him, Yes, Lord; you know that I love you. He said to him, Feed my sheep. He said to him the third time, Simon, son of Jonas, love you me? Peter was grieved because he said to him the third time, Love you me? And he said to him, Lord, you know all things; you know that I love you. Jesus said to him, Feed my sheep.’ Owing to the guidance of the Lord’s three words, Peter understood that as a believer of the Lord, man should love and obey the Lord with all his heart and with all his mind. Therefore, in his life experience thereafter, he could care for God’s will, shepherd the church of the Lord, and finally obey God until death. Peter was crucified upside down for the sake of the Lord, bore a wonderful testimony for God and comforted the Lord’s heart. His pursuit is after God’s heart. I felt the three questions were not the ones Lord put to Peter alone but also His questions to me, which caused me to make a self-examination: Am I a person who loves God? Thinking that I still have many extravagant desires and could not perform my duty on the basis of loving the Lord, I realized the Lord’s will is that we can all seek to love, obey, and satisfy Him. When I was a little clear about the Lord’s will, I made a firm resolution that I should have a heart of revering God, act properly according to God’s requirements, and perform my duty as a created being properly to repay God’s love no matter whether I would be blessed or cursed in the future. This is the goal I shall pursue. When I realized all these, I gained release and felt assured and peaceful in my heart, as if seeing the light!”

After listening to Yin Luming’s fellowship, I felt very brightened within and was especially supplied in my spirit. It turned out that the Lord has never left me and that He is accompanying me right by my side. Therefore, I said happily, “Thank the Lord! Finally I have the way to follow!” Then, I invited him sincerely, “Luming, are you free tomorrow afternoon? Our church will have a Bible study meeting then. I hope you will attend the meeting.” Yin Luming thought for a while and said, “Okay! I’ll certainly go tomorrow.”

Recommended:

The Word of God Is a Lamp to My Feet, and a Light to My Path (II)

The Word of God Is a Lamp to My Feet, and a Light to My Path (Ⅲ)